More pictures...

Great start :\

So today, I completely broke... well not completely! I was under 1000 calories, but not by much! I went to a baby shower and they had some of those beautiful gourmet cupcakes that are so popular right now. They looked so perfect... and they tasted perfect too. Perfectly sinful. It was like pure sugar disintegrating into my mouth (or my flabby arms?). I also had ravioli tonight, which I felt I deserved since I had only had like 250 calories the whole day before that. All in all, I'm not completely pissed at myself, but I'm a little disappointed, because I know that tomorrow when I weigh myself, I will be weighing more rather than less.But really, what I'm worried about is vacation. Although I'll be running around outside all week, vacations are filled with fatty food! I'm almost scared. I'm going to have to keep disciplined and not eat all the culinary indulgences that are liable to be thrown in my face. I shall STAY STRONG! LOL I sound like a soldier going to war... My first goal is to faithfully record everything I eat, down to the last crunch. And my other goal is to come back weighing the same or less than I did beforehand. I'm not allowed to be angry with myself unless I'm over 1 pound heavier than I want. Those are my rules, and I'm sticking to them.

I have a feeling it's going to be hard to sleep tonight, but I better try since this will be the last night in my comfy bed. Goodnight my people, if you exist.

Please let me know if anyone is reading this. Or if you have any feedback. I know this is one of my first posts, but I'm curious if anyone's reading this.

Libby Turner

P.S. I'm going to start adding pictures I find that I like. They may not have anything to do with what I talked about, but I can't help that my brain is so random!

Homesick

So, today I have decided to go back home to Texas after the family vacation. I really miss hanging out with my friends (and especially my boyfriend, Todd)! Today I felt so lonely. I mean, not in a super-depressed sort of way. Just in a normal lonely sort of way. I miss driving around my hometown and getting drinks at Sonic and doing all the other things friends do in small towns. I feel lame for ditching my aunt, but she was surprisingly cool with it. Well, at least packing for vacation will be easier. I'll just pack everything!

One thing that sucked about today was that I was really looking forward to watching Sting on A&E's Private Sessions, and then around 4-ish I realize that it had come on at 8 AM, not PM! I was so pissed off. I had been planning on going to the actual concert in Houston for some time, but decided I should save my money. The tickets were ridiculously expensive. When I heard it was going to be on TV, I was so thrilled. When I saw that it was going to come on at 8, I naturally assumed it was going to be in the evening (what kind of concert comes on at 8 in the morning?). I would have recorded if I had realized it. So tonight I resorted to watching Sting video clips on YouTube.

That's one thing about me. I have this weird obsession with Sting. Ever since I was little, I've been listening to his music. My dad wasn't even that big of a fan of the Police, but since it was the only tape we had in the car when I was little, it was all I listened to. I guess growing up on his music has given me some kind of emotional attachment to him. I know I sound creepy, but he literally brings tears of happiness to my eyes when I watch him perform or listen to him speak. In fact, that's one of the biggest dreams in my life... to meet Sting. That's right. I'm 20 years old, and my dream is to meet an Englishman who is almost 30 years older than me. I'm sick! LOL He's so sultry and has an amazing body. I don't even have a thing for old people, but I think Sting is completely sexy. I mean, I wouldn't be all weird if I met him. Like, I wouldn't start stalking him and trying to sleep with him, but he is definitely my biggest celebrity crush. I hated it when I realized I wouldn't be able to go to the concert, because it's not like he comes to Texas once a year. I really hope I can at least go see him in concert one day before either of us dies. :)

OK, I'll stop with the Sting rant. But this is precisely what my blog is for--for me to release all my thoughts and feelings in order to not go insane... ;)

Goodnight my people!

Libby

Temptations...

So it's the end of the day, and I'm about to contradict what I was talking about this morning. I am so hungry! I'm going to try not to sneak into the kitchen to eat something. I might just go look around. You know, like window shopping. :) Days like these are a little depressing. I was stuck at home with my aunt, and around lunch time she asked if I would eat with her in kitchen. My stomach sank because I do not like eating around people. Especially when I don't want to make it obvious that I'm restricting my food intake. Long story short, she offered me two corn dogs and I ate both of them! All in all, it wasn't too bad (just 340 calories in total), but they seemed so greasy, and I've gotten used to never eating two of anything. I was going to eat one, but my aunt was like, "There's only two left. Go ahead and eat both," and so I did. Then, later I heard something frying in the kitchen and it smelled so good! It turned out that she was cooking some fried shrimp, catfish, hushpuppies, and french fries. I ended up having a tiny bit of all of it. I feel like such a fatty, but I still came in under 800 calories for the whole day.

I know, you probably think I'm crazy for being this way about food, but if I don't take control over it full force, I end up gaining weight.

Another thing I'm trying to stay away from is sweets. So far, I've done really well. I was eying a mini Butterfinger bar today, but it was 85 calories! For a tiny little two-bite candy bar. I decided it wasn't worth it. I don't even like Butterfingers that much. I think my favorite candy bar is 3 Musketeers. I used to not like them that much because they're so plain, but a couple years ago I started craving them all the time. I mean, I went through weeks where I would eat one at least every other day, sometimes more. I'm so glad I'm not like that right now. I used to want sweets after every meal, but now I'm just used to going without.

Right now, I'm making a list of things to pack for my family vacation. We're going to Tennessee, and I'm excited, because I've never been there. I'm a little worried about the food situation, since I won't be able to count calories, but I think I'll make a written record of what I eat each day, so when I get back I can count them up. That will also help me to keep from snacking all the time, which I tend to do on the road. In the back of my mind, I will know that at the end of the day I will have to record everything I eat. I'm also excited about all the fun things we're going to do. I don't know what they are, but I think I might go white-water rafting, which will be a completely new experience for me. :)

Well, I've gotta go to bed. I have church in the morning!

Libby

Saturday morning

So I woke up today with a massive headache. It's driving me nuts! I think it's my sinuses. They act up every time I go somewhere new. So today my plan is to relax, maybe play some Sims 3 and go shopping later today.

Despite my headache, I feel pretty happy today. I stepped on the scale and it said "135.4." I haven't weighed that little in several years. I'm going on a diet, and I'm working out every other day. My diet plan is probably not the healthiest, but it works for me, and so far I haven't gotten too hungry. Basically I just eat less than 1000 calories/day. It's been pretty easy. Mostly I skip breakfast, then for my other meals I just keep it light. If I go out to eat, I make sure I look at the nutritional information online before going. If my mom makes something, I just eat a small portion of it. I usually skip bread and I always skip dessert. For the past several years, I have never had so much self-discipline. It's pretty awesome! My main rule is that if my weight goes down every day, I won't change anything about the diet, but if it starts going up, I'll cut out a little bit more. My plan is to get down in the 120's, and at 5'9", it's actually pretty difficult. I'm trying though! At the beginning of my diet, I weighed 144 pounds. I was so unhappy with my body. I still am a little bit, but since I'm losing weight, I like it a lot better. I was starting to get little love-handles, which was really depressing for me. That's why I decided to get in better shape. I was at the point where I'd have junk food and sweets like every day. Now, I've gone almost two weeks without them and I feel great!

Anyway, that's one thing about me. I have this ongoing psychological war with food and my body, but right now I'm winning the fight. :)

More updates later!

Libby Turner

First

I'm so tired right now It's almost 2 AM. I'm staying with my aunt in Connecticut right now. I thought I'd try and clear my mind this summer, so instead of working, I'm going to be up here for a while, just hanging out with some of my family and spending a lot of time in reflection. I think everyone needs some time to slow down and not do anything.

I'm actually from Texas, which at the moment is about 20 degrees warmer than it is here. I have the AC cranked up, anyway, though, because I hate being the least bit warm. Anyway, I hope that this blog is a success. So if you're reading this and it's 2011, and this is still the only post, I have failed. But hopefully that is not the case. Hopefully there are at least 100 entries you have to go through to finally get to this first one. We'll see if I'm a success.

The main thing I want to do in my blog is just get out whatever is on my mind. I'm not one of those people who likes to talk about themselves, and I don't like whining to my friends and family about the things that are bugging me, so this will be my own little place to get all that energy (and rage and emotions and whatnot) out of my system. I hope that I can add some pictures here and there so it won't look really boring.

Well, I'll try and post something a little more thoughtful tomorrow. I'm going to bed. Goodnight.

Libby